When it comes to giving someone something to mark a special occasion, saying thank you, or just because it’s expected, the phrase that often comes to mind is: “It’s the thought that counts”. But that phrase doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy and do-goody inside. To me it’s an excuse. An excuse to be frivolous and flippant about choosing something as significant as a gift that adds to someone’s intimate space. It’s a phrase that’s fraught with guilt-inducing feelings and subterfuge. Of lying about liking something and then secretly placing it in the yard sale pile. It’s an excuse for not trying to know someone well enough to understand if this something you’re giving them is something they’ll truly value.
Shocked? Let me backtrack a little.
On Hoarding.
I’m a hoarder. I’ve always been. My mom and dad are both hoarders so you can say, it’s in the family. We have boxes of memories, some we’ve not looked at in 10 years. I cherish the idea that I have kept a neon yellow button badge to remind me of some obscure amusement park visit from 20 years back, a memory that is not particularly significant or even memorable. I still have a big box full of files I kept of my bills from my first apartment on my own and clippings of dreamscapes I was creating fresh out of college. Are they relevant to my life right now? No. Do they need to occupy a physical space all of its own? No.
Now my husband on the other hand, has one box of memories he’s kept with him from the time he’s been on his own out of college. That’s his one box to my few boxes separated by oceans!
Being a hoarder by nature means that I have to work harder than most at reducing the clutter in my life. And that means both emotional and physical clutter. It means I have to make a conscious effort to question everything that takes up precious space in my life, inner and outer, and the good news is, I’m getting better at it!
But why eliminate the clutter? Why not just embrace my natural tendency to treasure everything that’s come my way? Because it takes up precious space. Precious space that prevents us from being agile on our feet, and moving briskly to the next adventure on our life’s journey. Because without eliminating the things that no longer have meaning to me right now, I would be preventing new, more important ideas and things into my life. Stuff that represents where I am and where I want to go.
Being a hoarder also means I’m extra-sensitive to any tangible object that brings meaning to one’s life. And to the frustration of looking at a pile of once-meaningful somethings and asking the why-did-I-keep-that-question. I’m also especially guilty at holding on to something just because I appreciated the gesture, even though I know I’ll regret it later. I’m the best person to ask about regretful hoarding!
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Asking the Giving Question.
These days, I often ask myself every time I give or receive something tangible from someone I’ve met: Do I want to keep it? Is it worthy of keeping? Should it even exist or is it a waste of time, energy and the earth’s resources? And if I can’t answer it with a positive yes to anything I’m giving out to someone, I just don’t.
Why clutter someone else’s already cluttered life? Folks are buried in junk mail, bombarded by unwanted catalogs and swimming in oceans of forgettable business cards. Why would I want to be a part of that?
When I was designing my own wedding invitations and for others I’ve been blessed to create for, I asked the very same thing, will this piece of their wedding day be cherished and kept by all 150 guests, like a memorable photograph from childhood, or will it disappear into the trash bin 2 weeks after the event’s ended? What fate will this paper memory have? Will I be contributing to a meaningful event or just adding to landfills?
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Creating Meaning.
Have you ever been to an event or a workshop and felt a rush of eager anticipation at the sight of swag bags and boxes greeting you at the front door? It’s almost like the Christmases and Birthdays of childhood, what could be in there? Will it be something I want? Or will it be another unasked-for, unmemorable corporate mug and pen? An unsightly $1 photo frame? How many times have you been guilty of thinking about these for YOUR events and clients?
If you’re in a position to present your product in a package or gift a beloved client with a physical memento of appreciation, ask yourself these questions:
- Would I want to keep it?
- Is it worthy of taking up precious space in your customer/client’s already cluttered life?
- Is it worthy of the time, energy and material that goes into making it?
- Will it be cherished like a childhood photograph or thrown into the Goodwill box?
- How can I make it truly valuable and useful, not just what I think will be so?
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Before you even spend a cent branding something physical for gifting or packaging, consider this: The world has enough stuff, if we’re to surround ourselves with it, make it meaningful.
Here’s my challenge to you today: Think about the next gift you are shopping for a client, a friend, a loved one. Answer the questions above (honestly now), put aside any ‘it’s the thought that counts‘ mental reminders. Really ask yourself if this object you’re introducing to the other person’s life truly have meaning or usefulness for him or her and pay particular attention to question #5. Tell me your experience below.